


a kiss to take your breath away

by Ellstra



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Angst, Dysfunctional Relationships, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, M/M, Post-TLJ
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-10
Updated: 2018-01-10
Packaged: 2019-03-03 05:32:57
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,542
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13334520
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ellstra/pseuds/Ellstra
Summary: Your lips.My lips.Apocalypse.





	a kiss to take your breath away

**Author's Note:**

> Today marks the second anniversary of the posting of my first Kylux fic, and damn, did I not know what I was getting into. So much happened in these two years, thanks to this fandom, and I'm thrilled to still be here, just as inspired to create as I was then. Thank you guys for making these two years awesome!  
> This is my first proper post-TLJ fic, one not lightened with a comic part. It's not a happy one, as you surely guessed from the tags, but I hope you'll enjoy it anyway.  
> I took the quote in the summary from a tweet by cigarettes after sex, because it's perfect and fits this fic well.

Hux arrived to the throne room with just enough delay for Ren to know he hadn’t dropped everything and rushed to his side, yet one that could not really be considered impolite. He bowed his head, holding his right fist to his left shoulder in a formal greeting. He still expected Ren to take him - Ren barely summoned him otherwise these days - but he would not be the one to break protocol.

“Supreme Leader,” he addressed Ren, putting as much scorn into his voice as he dared, “you sent for me?”

“I have,” Ren nodded. Hux waited for him to go on, staring impassively forward.

“I see in your… extensive report that our positions are very satisfying,” Ren spoke, at last, and his eyes narrowed. Hux disliked the way Ren said extensive like it was a bad thing, but he ignored it. Ren said all sorts of things to rile him up. 

“That is correct.”

“So it seems like it is not prudent anymore for you to be in this system. You should be trying to win over those who are still resisting. The outcasts and the delusional,” Ren went on, his cadence faster than usual, like he was  _ afraid  _ of saying it. Hux let out too much air at the same time, his breath making a weak squeaky noise as it escaped between his clenched teeth.

“I beg your pardon?” he muttered, boring his eyes into Ren, “I am here because this is the capital. There are currently no conflicts in the galaxy that would require my presence.”

“Do you presume to know more than I do?” 

“I do, in fact. I am in charge of the army, all the ships and outposts answer directly to me,” Hux replied, fighting hard to keep his voice as neutral as possible. His words were dangerous, and could get him killed, but he didn’t gain his position by being silent. “I am the Grand Marshal of the First Order and I know where my place is.”

Hux looked down at Ren’s feet, for a brief moment, a bare split of a second, in an attempt to appease him without bowing too low. Ren used to like it when Hux defied him just a little, just enough to make him feel victorious afterwards. Hux had forgotten what victory felt like.

“Your place is where I say it is.”

“And you said that it was here,” Hux objected. “By your side. Or have you finally learned to command my army?”

“It is not anymore,” Ren said, ignoring Hux’s jab, “I have no need of you now.”

“You’ve never needed me,” Hux snapped. Too soon. He was losing his cool too soon. “I may be gullible and desperate for affection but I’m not stupid.” 

“Affection,” Ren scoffed, like the word burnt his tongue, “You think what I gave you was affection? You poor thing.”

“I said I was desperate for it, not that I received it,” Hux spat back, “you’ve always been too impatient to listen carefully.”

“How presumptuous of you, to think I won’t have you publicly humiliated and executed for this, just because I happen to like your body.” 

Ren straightened his back, spread his legs, laid his arms on the armrests that he never used, except to push Hux against them to leave bruises, and raised his chin a little. Hux assumed it was supposed to be an expression of disgust, superiority maybe, but Ren was never good at controlling his facial expressions. His big eyes, his trembling lips, his uneven jaw, made him look too human for someone who wanted to be seen as a monster. Hux’s relationship with those particular features of Ren’s face was turbulent - he had hated them, because they marked Ren as a person of great compassion, he had loved them, because they showed, that despite all his attempts to hide it, there was a big heart yearning for love in Kylo, and he hated them again, because they reminded him of what he’d lost. Ren could use his face - his body - against Hux, but not in this way. Hux would not fear him. 

“And how prideful of you to think I would let that happen,” he pushed his coat out of the way and got his blaster from its case. It was a small thing, and Ren had always made fun of it, but  it would leave just the same hole between his eyes as the siege cannon would. (In fact, it would do the job better, the siege cannon would just blow Ren’s head off completely. Not that there was anything wrong with that.) 

“Look at you and your toy gun,” Ren snickered, “so full of rage, so ready to spill blood. Tell me, Armitage… how long have you been planning this? How long have you been coming to my bed, moaning like a whore, thinking I won’t notice the pretense in it, and fantasizing about killing me?”

They watched each other, over the barrel of Hux’s blaster. Hux bit the inside of his lower lip to stop himself from screaming. How did Ren even dare?! If he hated Hux feigning interest, maybe he should have just ended their...thing, whatever it was. Hux wasn’t sure. It used to be a relationship, maybe even love if Hux dared to use the word, but it twisted into something mangled and scarred, something that should have died long ago and yet was still alive. But it was pointless - Ren wouldn’t let Hux go, if only because he felt powerful that way, and Hux’ life was too intertwined with Ren’s for him to be able to leave.

“Ever since you became the Supreme Leader,” Hux said. The words felt satisfying on his tongue; it felt empowering to finally be able to say them.

“And what do you think you’ll gain if you pull the trigger?” Ren asked, with a flick of his wrist, like he was a character in a play, reciting a line, detached from his words, “Power? Fame? Real power comes from your abilities, not your titles. But what would you know about that, chasing after stripes on your sleeve?”

“Peace of mind,” Hux said resolutely, “Tranquility that I’ve never known.”

“You don’t really believe that,” Ren shook his head; another replica from a holo. Hux could see through the fake nonchalance, all the way to the disbelief.

“I’m prepared to try to find out,” he said.

“And if it doesn’t work?”

“I’ll take the title,” Hux shrugged; the movement obscured his view of Ren’s face for a brief moment, before his shoulders fell again. For a moment, Ren was but a body in front of his blaster, easy to shoot, easy to hide.

“The galaxy is vast. You could spend your whole life without ever seeing my face. Go on the mission I gave you and it will be like I’m dead,” Ren went on, like Hux wasn’t holding a blaster to his face. 

“But you won’t really be dead, will you?” Hux hissed, his facial expressions exaggerated as he uttered the words, “You’ll always haunt me, and I’ll be in the Outer Rim knowing you’re here, fucking some pretty boy naive enough to trust you, while I’m scratching out a living like a concubine that was cast aside for not being young and beautiful anymore.”

“You keep making these insinuations that you were paid to sleep with me, that that was your only function,” Ren said and leaned forward, “you’re insulting me. I never would have taken you against your will. If you came into my bed, you came on your own accord.”

Now that was a lie, and they both knew that, just like they knew that Hux would not correct him, not in this. There had been times when he came willingly - when he even took the first step - but that was long ago, when they were equals and Hux could have said no without fearing the consequences, and when he never did, because there was no reason for it. Now; a ghost of his former desire and fear guided his way into Ren’s arms, pragmatism and the knowledge that whatever he did, he would always be dependent on Ren’s desire for him. 

“You can’t send me away,” Hux said, more resolutely than he felt. His hand trembled a little, the black barrel of the blaster shaking, and he felt silly standing there like this, knowing full well he would not be able to shoot Ren this way. Still, he bit his lip and tried to ignore the pain in his arm.

“I’ll give you everything you want. Credits? Young lieutenants to boss around? Just ask,” Ren spread his arms, like he was a benevolent ruler, magnanimous and generous. Like he wasn’t telling Hux that he didn’t even matter enough for Ren to kill him.

“I won’t go away. I will stay here, in the capital, second-guessing your every decision. Or I’ll kill you,” Hux took a few steps, standing close enough to see Ren’s chest rise and fall, “I gave my life to the First Order. I won’t let you ruin it unsupervised.”

“Or maybe  _ I _ will kill  _ you _ ,” Ren said, slowly, finishing his sentence with his lips slightly parted. Hux hated it - hated that Ren knew this was a dirty trick to play against him.

“No you won’t. I don’t know why, but if you wanted to do that, you would have, long ago,” Hux was so certain of this, and it filled him with gleeful pride. Ren may have grown cruel and only had insults and mockery where there used to be affection and endearment, but he was still, despite all his attempts to hide it, painfully, crudely, human. More human than Hux was ever allowed to be, more human than someone with a history such as Ren’s should be. Ren spent a good part of his life crushing this humanity, stomping on it like a raging child would on something they disliked, shredded it into thin slips with his broken lightsaber, and yet it was good for nothing. For all Ren’s anger, hatred, and cruelty, he was still a lonely broken boy seeking affection. Hux used to think it was a sign that they belonged together; now he considered it yet another proof that the entire universe was against him, always, but liked to tease him with greatness first. There was so much potential in what they could have been - what they were, for a while - but it was just a memory now. 

Still, a faint trace of the memory was still present - Ren needed him. Ren wanted him and needed him, much more than Hux wanted or needed Ren, because he liked to hold onto the conviction that there was still at least one relationship that he hadn’t fucked up, at least one person who still put up with him. Hux could almost pity him.

“Are you willing to bet all you have on that one card? A weak one?” Ren scoffed but there was curiosity in his eyes.

“You won’t kill me,” Hux said, lowered the blaster, and knelt by Ren’s throne, bowing his head, with a slight tilt to the side that exposed his neck. Ren had always had a weakness for his neck. A long time passed, in which Hux’s senses were heightened and he could hear Ren breathe, could see him twitch. After the impossibly long, excruciating wait, in which Hux’s conviction that Ren would not strike him down wavered considerably, something cool touched the side of Hux’s jaw.

“You’re too trusting, Armitage,” Ren whispered, almost gently, “I am not. I will not let someone who threatens my life just run around. You know that, right?”

Hux gave in to the nudge of Ren’s gloved fingers and looked up. Ren was staring at him, intense and dark, and Hux felt his heartbeat speed up. His traitorous body always liked Ren more than was reasonable, or healthy. His body was very keen on self-destruction, and Ren was always ready to destroy. 

“At least you won’t be sending me away now,” Hux said, leaning his cheek against Ren’s hand like a trusting animal would, “either you’ll chain me to your bed, or you’ll kill me. And we both know which of these options you won’t dare choose.” 

“So you want me to chain you up? You should have said that sooner,” Ren said, like this was a light-hearted situation and they were bickering playfully rather than threatening to kill each other. Sometimes, Hux got motion sickness from the turns their encounters took. 

“I just want what’s mine,” Hux replied, unwilling to play Ren’s games.

“You could have a system to rule over, all the titles you want,” Ren pointed out and moved his hand under Hux’s chin, pulling Hux’s lower lip down with his thumb. 

“Not as long as you live.” Ren’s thumb slipped inside Hux’s mouth when he spoke; Hux closed his teeth around it, biting down on Ren’s knuckle.

“Did you come prepared?” Ren asked, pulling his thumb out of Hux’s mouth, tracing his lips with it.

“I’m always prepared for your company,” Hux replied. Ren asked like he didn’t know, like he hadn’t made it clear that it would be better for Hux if he always came prepared.

“Come sit on your throne then,” Ren said, nudging Hux’s chin with his fingers, asking him to stand up, “since it’s the only one you care about.”

_ You self-absorbed fool,  _ Hux thought, standing up. Ren was leaning back again, arms spread wide like he wasn’t going to do even as little as undress himself. 

“How much?” Hux asked with his hand on his belt. 

“All of it,” Ren said, voice disinterested, “wait, no, keep the boots.”

Hux managed to limit his disdain to just a small twitch of his nose and upper lip. ‘Keep the boots’ was Ren’s favorite command - and a terribly unoriginal and obnoxious one at that. Hux couldn’t simply keep the boots - he had to take them off, then his trousers, then pull the boots back on. It was useless, and useless things annoyed Hux, which was probably why Ren gave the order in the first place. 

Hux started undressing - his jacket, tunic, the corset he nowadays wore as a talisman rather than out of necessity, his undershirt. He dropped each article to the ground, not looking at Ren. He wasn’t undressing seductively, like he was being watched - Ren didn’t like it, and he didn’t deserve it anyway. Hux bent down to take off his shoes, and glanced at Ren through his eyelashes. He was looking up, at the ceiling, like the spotless grey steel was more interesting than Hux stripping down. 

Hux bit his lip to fight back the angry tears. How dare Ren tell him his only use is in being a sex toy and then not even look at him? He kicked off his other boot and stood up again. Ren was clearly trying to come across as bored and impatient. Hux hooked his fingers under the hem of his trousers to unbutton it and they slipped over something smooth, something he’d had for so long he almost forgot about it. Until now, until this moment when he was pissed at Ren and his soul ached for his absent lover, when he felt cheap and dirty, and there just wasn’t another option. He popped the buttons open with his right hand, pushed the small capsule out of its small pocket with his left. His hands trembled, his heart beating fast in his chest - how long had it been since he was this agitated in Ren’s presence? He allowed himself a smile as he took off his trousers, then his underwear. When he bent down to put his shoes back on, he slipped the capsule into his mouth, his grin growing crooked around it. 

Hux clicked his heels to attract Ren’s attention; Ren turned his head indolently in Hux’s direction, like he wasn’t sure if it was worth the effort. Hux rolled the capsule all over his tongue. 

“Come closer,” Ren instructed, reaching his gloved hand forward. Hux obeyed; Ren placed his palm over Hux’s stomach, middle finger digging into his sternum. 

“You shaved again,” Ren said, lowering his hand until the heel rested at the root of Hux’s cock, his index finger pulling at the skin of Hux’s belly, stretching his belly button into a bizarre shape. “And lost weight.”

“Have I?” Hux retorted. 

“You know I don’t like it when you shave completely smooth,” Ren muttered. 

“You know I hate body hair,” Hux replied, the capsule a warm lump under his tongue. 

“Have you always been this selfish?” 

“I suppose I have,” Hux said,  _ but Kylo found it endearing.  _

“And you wonder why nobody actually likes you.” Ren took his hand off Hux’s belly and almost tore his clothes open to free his cock. It was already growing hard but Ren gave it a few pumps of his fist to speed up the process. This was going to be an unceremonious ordeal then, a quick fuck and a hasty, barely there goodbye. Or so Ren thought. 

Hux pried Ren’s hand off his cock and climbed onto his lap. He was still settling down when Ren squeezed his ass, slipped two fingers inside. Hux closed his eyes for a while, concentrating on relaxing his muscles. Ren pushed deep enough to brush against Hux’s prostate - he was feeling magnanimous then. Hux smiled. 

“I’m yours to take, Supreme Leader,” he said, voice the precise accent he used in formal speech, afraid of his natural worming its way through the carefully built facade. 

Ren made a funny face, as if he was certain that Hux was mocking him and wondering if he should do something about it. But he let it go and laid both hands on Hux’s hips, guiding him to take his cock. Hux took a while to bottom out, waiting to see if Ren would tell him to hurry up. He didn’t. 

They found a pace; Hux wrapped his arms around Ren’s neck, pulling at his hair, Ren had his enormous hands spread over both of Hux’s thighs. They must have made quite the sight, the two of them. Hux wished he could have this triumphant moment on a tape but the throne room had always been devoid of the surveillance cameras. He’ll have to hold it in his memories. 

Hux hated the fact that despite everything, Ren was still a good fuck. As horrible as he was a person, his body was just as intoxicating, just as perfect as Kylo’s had been. And even more than that, Hux hated how well they knew each other. They didn’t use the knowledge of the other’s body for good anymore, interested more in causing pain than pleasure, but the familiarity was still there, a bittersweet reminder, a stab to Hux’s heart. Ren was nibbling at the skin on the base of Hux’s neck, using his teeth as much as his lips, and Hux almost choked on the capsule when he cried in pleasure. 

Ren’s movements became frantic, his grip on Hux painful, his breath ragged. Hux closed his eyes and relished the sensation of just being, unburdened by grief or anger, of Ren all around him feeling safe and warm and perfect. 

Ren came with a a grunt, stifled partly against Hux’s skin, and dug his fingers painfully into Hux’s thighs. Hux tilted his head to the side, a small smile escaping his control. Kylo used to hold him so tight it felt like he would squeeze the life out of Hux; turned almost feral when they hadn’t seen each other for a while. Hux hated seeing Kylo leave, but embracing him again was always a special treat. 

Ren caught his breath and straightened a little to see Hux’s face. He closed his right hand around Hux’s dick. 

“You’re my little bitch, aren’t you? My bitch, who’ll come take my cock whenever I ask,” Ren drawled, jerking Hux’s cock so hard it was painful. Hux arched his spine, his eyes closed to block the mocking sneer on Ren’s face. 

Here it was again, the everpresent duality of Hux’s body and mind, with the first one being traitorously, embarrassingly just what Ren said. His body sang in pleasure with every insult and every sneer, while his rational mind wanted to scream.  _ Who do you think you’re talking to?  _ he was asking silently, while his cock leaked precome over the leather of Ren’s glove.  _ How dare you call me a bitch?  _ he wanted to shout, but all that escaped past his lips was a moan. 

“Look at you, the infamous General Hux, destroyer of worlds, and a weak slave to your body’s desires,” Ren went on, nibbling at the underside of Hux’s jaw, despite Hux’s numerous previous complaints.  _ Are you ashamed of loving me?  _ Kylo would ask, and Hux wouldn’t have the heart to say yes. Or no? It had been so confusing - but Hux’s feelings were crystal clear now. 

_ I am ashamed that I still let you ruin me,  _ he thought, gripping Ren’s shoulder to anchor himself as he spiralled towards release,  _ that I still let you use your body against me. _

Hux came quietly, channeling all of the pleasure into his grasp on Ren and his facial expression rather than sound. Ren slowed down but he kept stroking Hux’s cock, the leather of his glove warm and sticky. Hux let his forehead collapse onto Ren’s shoulder, the one that he wasn’t holding on for dear life, allowing himself a few seconds of repose before he’d have to face the harsh reality. 

Of course, Ren’s plans did not always correlate with Hux’s own. If anything, they seemed to be the exact opposite. 

“You will always bend down and present your ass, because you’re a pathetic needy slut who convinced himself that sex equals love.”

One of Ren’s worst flaws had always been his inability to assess the situation properly and shut up when necessary. Hux could only fall for Ren’s derision aroused, when his rational side was clouded by desire. He felt nothing but anger now, sticky with Ren’s come and his legs cramping from the uncomfortable position. Anger, with a hint of vengefulness. 

Hux bit down onto the capsule, trapping it between his molars until sweet juice oozed onto his tongue from the broken shell.  

“I’ll always be yours,” Hux said and kissed Ren, for the first time in months. He could feel Ren’s surprise - and delight. The fool - he was so blinded by his pride that he considered Hux’s uncharacteristic act his victory.  _ This is why you’re going to die,  _ Hux thought, kissing Ren fervently.  _ As if my life depended on it _ . 

Hux pulled away and smiled, sweetly, like he was in love. His heart was beating so fast Ren must have felt it. There was still time; if he changed his mind, he could still- 

Ren made a funny face, coughed. Hux pulled away a little more, feigning worry. Ren kept gasping for breath; his face turning red. Hux slipped off the throne, nearly falling down from the pins and needles in his legs. He should seriously stop trying to pull off these positions at his age.

“What’s wrong?” Hux asked when he recovered, “Did I leave you breathless?” 

Ren’s eyes widened. 

“What did you do?” he croaked. 

Hux put on his underwear and trousers before replying: “I just gave you a sweet lover’s kiss.”

“Did you poison me?” Ren was shaking now. 

“No, silly, how would I do that? I was completely naked the whole time, wasn’t I?” Hux said, playing coy so ostentatiously it couldn’t have been more obvious. It was a shame Ren wasn’t quite able to appreciate his acting skills right now. Hux continued dressing himself, paying special attention to removing any wrinkles or imperfections. 

“I know this feeling,” Ren muttered, with obvious effort. 

“Well,” Hux drawled, dramatically, when he was finally done with his uniform. “You do, actually. Congratulations.”

Hux walked closer to Ren. 

“I’m going to tell you what I did before you lose consciousness. You’re going to, but I’m not sure when, so I should be brief. A shame, I think I’ve got talent for long speeches,” Hux said with a pensive tilt of his head, “Several years ago, Kylo and I went on a mission on a small planet. It was a very lovely place, cheerful, and the two of us had just started...seeing each other. We had some time off after our mission, so we took a walk by a river in the evening, and then we sat down in a small restaurant to share a meal. It was all very romantic and relaxed. Until the dessert was served.”

Hux made a pause, watching the realization in Ren’s eyes. Ren’s wonderful, expressive eyes.  

“Oh yes, that strange fruit with the unpronounceable name…” Hux nodded, like Ren had said something. “I almost lost Kylo that night, and even though my mouth is incapable of saying its name, I can tell you everything there is to know about this fruit. Everything.”

Ren’s gaze was turning from panicked to unfocused. Hux wondered, briefly, why Ren hadn’t tried to use the Force on him. Surely he could have, maybe not anymore, with his airway closing, but once he figured out Hux was going to kill him. 

“It seems I could still surprise you,” Hux mumbled, almost lovingly, “You thought you knew me so well, thought that I could never get over my love for Kylo. But you see, I know that Kylo is dead. And it’s time for you to die too.” 

Hux watched Ren struggle for breath a little longer, but it got unbearable very soon. Kylo had looked the same, squirming in Hux’s arms while the owner of the restaurant went looking for a medical droid. Hux pursed his lips and and reached for his blaster. He didn’t have to relive the painful memory just because Ren had to die. He pressed the barrel to Ren’s forehead. “The Supreme Leader is dead, long live the Supreme Leader - is that what you made me say? Well. It seems like the position is cursed.” 

Hux pulled the trigger. 

The force of the shot threw Ren’s body back; its dead weight slumped slightly to the side. Hux lowered his arm, his fingers shaking. He tried to put the blaster back into the case on his belt but he couldn’t make it fit inside. He threw it angrily onto the ground, without realizing it could shoot him too. 

When he imagined this moment, he had expected to feel victorious, relieved, empowered. He had pictured himself standing triumphant over Ren’s dead body, the galaxy finally at his mercy. Instead, a terrible emptiness grew inside him, grew and grew, until it forced its way out of his throat in a sob. He covered his face with his hands and screamed. For maybe the first time in his life, he allowed himself to scream at the top of his lungs, scream until it hurt, and a little longer. A single tear rolled down his cheek; he caught it with his index finger, watching it, bewitched. 

Then he broke down. 

 

**Author's Note:**

> You can find me on [tumblr](https://t.co/W17PYLnqHK) and [twitter](https://twitter.com/EllstraH).


End file.
